Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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