I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
