my phone needs a breathalizer
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
