I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
