Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
