what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
