ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
