I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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