I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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