Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
