I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
