White coat. Heels.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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