So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
