If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Randomize
