I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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