Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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