If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
