So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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