The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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