Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
