So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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