we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
