weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
