I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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