The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
