Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
