i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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