drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
