The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
