My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
