My friends, they love my intelligence
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
