Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
