I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're too hungover to prance.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
