Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
