he puts the penis in happiness.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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