hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
