whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
