It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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