Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
