Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
