1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
