if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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