At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
