The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
