No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
