Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize