I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
