There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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