did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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