hotel room ftw
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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