i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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