i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize