last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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