Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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