you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
