She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
