I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
