I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
either way he was missing a nipple.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
