Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
