Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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