it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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