O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
