u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
