Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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