final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
