we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
