nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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