A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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