If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
