well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was CRYING into my vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
