I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
