"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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