he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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