I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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