We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize