I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there is puke in my bra ... again
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