im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
