the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
