my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
