Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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