How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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