whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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